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I Am Not Alone

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There was a time when I thought I couldn't do it anymore. Where I couldn't deal with the things going on. No matter where I went, life was as dull as a steak knife after cutting down a palm tree. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be anywhere but in a dark room, alone. Curled up in a corner rocking back and forth, tears running down my cheeks. No words were able to escape my quivering lips. I wanted to die. Nothing but silence and the sound of my weeping. Yet still forced to go to school the next day or to work. Same feeling. That emptiness and sadness was taking over, I didn't know what to do or where to go. I tried to put my hand through a concrete wall. I didn't care about the outcome because I knew if I did this I would be able to feel something other than sadness and emptiness. I was in a cast. That cast was given to me because I couldn't take the black hole of feelings that were nonexistent to the reality I was breathing in. I was being overwhelmed by thoughts and actions I had no control of. I felt pain. Not a psychological pain like before. But finally a pain where I knew that it was something I did have control of, something that I did. A decision on my own where I could feel and know that it was me who did this. I then realized that this was not the way to handle my inside issues. Not talking to anyone, I stayed in my head and in silence. Masquerading around people to pretend that I was okay, knowing I was about to break. Then one day at school, a man approached me and saw my cast. He then said, "must've hurt. I have a group upstairs between these times, you should go". So it was at that moment that I decided to go to a GrievingTeens meeting. And it was then I realized. I Am Not Alone.  

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-Cricket, 23